What I learned as a Military Spouse

I am a Navy wife. Just in case that wasn't clear. I live near a Navy base. I volunteer with lots of organizations who want to help serve the Navy community. So, I hang out with a lot of military spouses. Thought I'd say Navy, huh? Nope. The military world is diversifying and I have lots of friends from every Branch. Except Army. I have one Army Wife friend. That's another story for another day.

I am in daily contact with the military life. Not just our own, but the thousands around me. I get to watch thousands of people serve our country without blinking an eye. It is very inspiring. I have learned quite a bit over my years and am compelled to share it with you this evening. Here are my top life lessons:

I have the ability to condemn the woman at Target who is complaining about her husband being gone two weekends this month for golf trips (my husband just spent 90% of three years overseas). I do not have the right. Yes, my husband is gone a lot. Yes, he speaks some foreign language at me. COMRATS, anyone? Yes, he is up early and home late. Yes, he smells like fuel ALL THE TIME. Yes, he is fighting for their right to go golfing on a Sunday. What I do have is the wisdom and understanding to be compassionate. I get it. I can help. I can encourage her.

Find a friend. It's not going to be the same as the best friend you left in Portsmouth. That is alright. Love the friend you left and love the friend gained. You are going to need them both. You are going to need someone who knows all the ridiculous quirks you have about the way you clean an oven. You are also going to need a friend who is with you. Literally. Someone who can bring you soup and Gatorade. Someone to put on the Emergency forms (Ombudsmen don't count). You are going to need people in your life, headed the way you're headed. The key here is trial and error. We might not score a great best friend on the first day in our new house. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

We have the time to serve. I agree military families deserve the attention and recognition for the sacrifices in our lives. I also know we have the ability to get outside and help the city we live in. Right now. The military is going to move us all over and very often. Don't let that hinder you. Love the place you're in, even if you hate it. Ever heard the saying, "behavior invokes respect?" We can invoke the respect of whatever town we are in this year by showing our best behavior. Don't misread that. I'm not saying plates of cookies and pearls and elbows off tables will make anyone love you. I'm saying give back to where you are and they will.

Kids, kids, kids, kids... are crazy. As bats. Add in a slew of deployments, some weird shaped houses, nine different schools, two left-behind best friends and a couple of bad haircuts and we give you a military kid. You're welcome, America. These kids are going to knock your socks off. They are the most resilient, quick, well rounded group of any generation. These kids are going places and not just the mall. Military kids are loyal, tenacious, driven, kind, and look out for one other. One parent at home? They get it. Someone's dad just got home from overseas, but theirs is away? That's OK. They are going to be happy for you anyway. So please, America, be nice to our military kids. They believe their Service Member is a Superhero who fighting for you.

Countdowns rings are workings of the Devil. Stop the madness! They might have been great when deployments were six months on the dot. Do you know how difficult it is to sneak 30 more rings onto a countdown without someone noticing? Nearly impossible and usually involves ice cream bribes. So, please take it easy on yourselves with the countdowns. Trying to tick away every second our loved one is gone will drag us down. Take a breath, take a bath, take a Xanax if you have to, but do not take it out on yourself or those around you. We can't make time speed up, so stop trying.

Cherish the plain moments. Let me explain. Right after my Sailor deploys, I don't wish for more fancy dinners or trips or lavish gifts. I wish to see his smile, his NWUs on the floor, giant boots clogging up the entryway, the sound of his truck coming in, man sized meals, and his music left on in the garage. I pray that wasn't the last time I saw him. I wish for more plain moments with him to remember. The moments we take for granted every day are the ones that fill our memory. Yes, Disneyland is nice. But, remembering what it's like to curled up on the couch together, eating Chinese food, watching t.v. is a thousand times better. The next time you are right in the middle of a plain moment, take a mental picture. Breath in the air. Remember that these are the moments we live for.

-Dev